Hands Off!

So, my stepfather-in-law passed away this morning. He was 96 years old, but was in such poor health for the last two years that death was merciful. It was a relief to let him go, ending his suffering.

He was a three war veteran (both Army & Guard), was on the team that grew to become NASA, advised presidents, was the president of a College, and was an officer and a gentleman. He had the most interesting stories & a great sense of humor.

And he was a butt toucher. Whenever I hugged him, I had to angle it so that his arm was trapped. I'm not the only one, either. He liked touching younger women's booties. I guess he totally knew he could get away with it because he was so old. He could blame dementia. He didn't care if he got caught.

There's a man at church who does it, too. He cops a feel when he can. He's somewhat mentally challenged, so he gets away with it as well. But I've never noticed him "accidentally" touching a man's butt, and even if you move his hand, if drifts right back down there. So I'm quite sure it's on purpose.

This makes me wonder... would all men do this if they thought they could get away with it? I hope not, but it's highly likely. They wouldn't just think, "Hmm, nice butt." They'd reach out & touch someone. Let their fingers do the talking.

When I was in ninth grade, this group of guys would always walk by me while I was at my locker, & one would grab & squeeze. After almost every day for several weeks, another girl noticed and gasped, "Oh my god! Did he just grab your butt?!" "Yep." "And you're letting him get away with it?" I looked at the group of six guys, all big tall athletes, and asked, "I can never tell which one did it. What can I do?" She looked at them and shrugged, "Nothin', I guess."

Concerts, parties, etc.... guys think it's fine to play a little grab-ass. One time in college I turned around to the drunk guy who was the obvious culprit and bowed up and challenged, "Touch me again." He acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. But I'd been taking Tae Kwon Do for a year, so I was feeling brave. He skulked away.

So here's my proposal. Girls do the same. In a crowd, where you won't get caught, preferably somewhere darkish without cell phone cameras rolling video. We can play the same game.

"Oops! I tripped." "Oh sorry, I didn't see you standing there."  "My bad. Misjudged your height." Or just squeeze and keep walking.

I guess the only problem (as if there's only one problem with this suggestion!) is that the guys would like it. Yeah, that's right. They'd be proud, stand taller, preen like a peacock. They'd tell all their friends, "Hey, that chick just grabbed my butt!" They'd get high-fives all around.

This supports my theory that men don't mature past the age of 17. They just pretend to be more mature so women will sleep with them.

So I guess this is a no-win situation.

At this point in my life, if you're a stranger, I might break your hand if you grab my butt at a concert.

But I also wonder if the age is approaching when I'm saggy enough that I'll take it as a compliment?