Smokin' Hot

How to apply "smoky" eye makeup:

Step 1. Make sure kids are in bed so you don't have to explain yourself.

Step 2. Apply eye shadow, making sure to use all three different shades for highlight and shadow so your eyes really pop.

Step 3. Decide that the eyeliner you bought like eight years ago is too chunky and throw it out.

Step 4. Attempt using the tip of the mascara wand to smudge on some make-shift eyeliner.

Step 5. Look in the mirror an frighten yourself with the jagged, gross looking smear around your eyes.

Step 6.With ONE drop of water on your finger, smudge the mascara around right eye to actually look half-decent .

Step 7. With TWO drops of water, smudge the mascara on your left eye into wet goo that smears all over your eyelid, making you look like you just got beat to Hell and back.

Step 8. Clean off all makeup off left eye.

Step 9. Notice that when you blinked, your right eyeliner that looked good transfered to the middle of your eyelid.

Step 10. Clean off right eyelid, trying to not remove decent eyeliner.

Step 11. Re-apply mascara to left eyelid as jury-rigged eyeliner.

Step 12. With ONE drop of water on your finger, smudge the mascara around left eye to look half-decent enough to match the right eye.

Step 13. Force eyes to not blink so it doesn't smudge onto middle of eyelids again.

Step 14. Hope husband is still awake & hasn't fallen asleep waiting for you to finish getting prettied up.

Step 15. Realize that he's managed to get three children to sleep, and shower, and shave, while you haven't even finished getting eye make up on.

Step 16. Re-apply eye shadow, making sure to use all three different shades for highlight and shadow so your eyes really pop.

Step 17. Apply mascara to eyelashes as intended.

Step 18. Add a second coat of mascara to lashes. Go all out. Hope you look more like Stana Katic than Tammy Faye Baker.

Step 19. DON'T BLINK!

Step 20. Move on to lipliner and lipstick. Nah. Screw it. Smudge on a little tinted lip gloss & be done with it.