Saturday, January 26, 2013

Dating Advice for my Daughters

Just so you know, I am no longer plotting my husband's accidental death. Not that I would have ever plotted that in the first place. Never crossed my mind.

But my children have been discussing of late to whom they shall be wed. Being that the twins are five (for one more week. Le sigh.), and that M is 8, they are far too young to be discussing such matters. Alas, they persist. (No, I haven't been reading sonnets. I don't know why I'm using flowery prose.)

So I started telling them tonight what they should be expecting from the ones who receive their hearts.

To BA, I said, "You are an awesome boy. You make sure you grow into being an awesome man," and, "You're my Super Hero. Do you know what your super power is? The power to make people laugh and smile. That's a very important power!"

To GA, I reminded, "You are beautiful. And you are a princess. You know why?"
She squealed, "Because I'm the daughter of The King!"
"Don't you forget it. That means you have to act as a princess, Daughter of The King, and you should expect to be treated as a princess, too."

To M, after she fussed about boys being stupid (which I simply could not make myself correct), I told her that a lot of them are. She can be friends with plenty of them, but to never date someone who seems just good enough. From there, I kinda rambled, giving what I hoped was sound (but basic) dating advice to counteract the terrible Prince Charming expectation that Disney Princess movies instill. Here's what I told her, plus a few more:

1. It takes a heck of a man to be better than no man. Don't settle for 'good enough.'  (Thanks to blogger "Jen"e Sais Quoi's mom for that one!)

2. When you find someone who is just so awesome that you feel lucky to get to be with him, AND he thinks you're so awesome that he feels lucky to get to be with you, then he's probably a good choice of someone to go out with.

3. You and the guy you go out with are both children of the Most High God. Act like it. And if he doesn't want to act like it, move on; he'll only drag you down.

4. If you like talking and spending time together, but you don't have common interests, move on. If you can't have fun together - biking, hiking, building stuff, whatever you enjoy - then you'll always be missing out. And if you don't even like each other's favorite hobbies, then there's unnecessary conflict already there. Find someone you can play with.

5. There's no place for insults in a caring relationship. Period. Not even sugar-coated ones or ones veiled in a joke.

6. There is no such thing as perfect on this side of Heaven. Don't expect perfection of yourself or of him; and make sure he doesn't expect perfection, either.

7. Relationships that are 50/50 don't work. You both have to give 100%. Do your best. Some days you best will be great. Some days it won't, especially if you're PMSing or pregnant. His best will fluctuate, too. Both of you should have high standards for your own selves, and you will be required to give grace to yourselves and each other.

8. Men need respect. Women need affection. Give your spouse what they need.

9. I'm already praying for y'all's future spouses and marriages. Regularly. Just so you know.

I'm sure I'll add more over the years, but that's the best I've got for them now. I think that if I drum this into their pretty little heads, then they'll be in the kind of marriages that I've been envying for the last 9 years. Because picking a spouse based on attraction and the pitter-patter of your heart is simply a bad plan.

Feel free to share, or comment and add your own.


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