Friday, March 22, 2013

Well, la dee da.

My mom wouldn't say "wow" or "Oh my gosh" or anything like that when she was pleasantly surprised when I was a kid. She could cuss like a Russian sailor who ran out of vodka when she was mad (though she doesn't remember that now), but her pleasantly-surprised phrase of choice was, "Well... la... deee... da."

I got one of those moments yesterday when I opened my e-mail, and it made me cry.

The fight with my husband a few weeks ago was the only one we've had since January 5, and things have been steadily improving. He listened to the things I insisted had to change and has been working to change them. He really hasn't helped much more with chores, but it's okay, because he's appreciative of what I do and doesn't focus on what's still to do. It's like a light came on and he understands now how much work there is all the time, and that it can't all possibly get done. He's kinder, he backs me up when I tell the kids to help, and he helps when he can. He's enjoying the kids more & our relationship has improved.

He has also been trying to counsel a young couple at church with two babies who are so in love but can't manage to be able to live under the same roof. At first, it was highly hypocritical, because he was still doing things that he was telling this young man to stop doing. But he'd occasionally ask how a behavior made me feel, because he was trying to get the guy to see what he was doing to his wife. My answers frequently began with, "Well, when you do that, I think/feel...", and he'd be surprised that I thought he did the same things. I'd give examples - gently and nonchalantly so as not to start an argument - then continue whatever I'd been doing, leaving him to ponder his revelation. Lately, though, I've been able to answer with, "Well, when you used to do that, I'd feel... but you haven't been doing that lately, so now I feel...". Apparently, this tact has worked, along with prayer and fasting.

So I wanted to share this blessing I received with you to remind you that prayer and perseverance do pay off, and that I appreciate your prayers for me.

This is yesterday's email from my husband. The subject line simply said, "You".

Talking to [our young friend] last night reminded me of all the stupid, self-centered, damaging things that I have done to you and our marriage. I don't know if I ever really apologized to you or told you how much I appreciate you.
I am sorry for ALL of the muck and junk that I dragged into our lives and made you deal with.  I don't know how you put up with it but I praise God that you did and are still here. I know it wasn't easy sometimes. I'm glad you are still my wife and best friend.
I do appreciate you and all that you do; around the house, taking care of the kids, teaching /training the kids and keeping me involved in everyone's life.
I love looking at you in the morning!
Have a blessed day!
Are you teary? I am. Again.
Praise the Lord.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Funny kid & Crazy Mema

Last night while I watched Castle, the characters were discussing a serial killer. And hour and a half past her bedtime, my six year old daughter walked in the den & overheard the Castle case.

"Mommy, I can't sleep. What's a serial killer?"
I answered, "He doesn't like cereal. He smooshes the boxes whenever he finds them. Cheerios, Rice Krispies, all of them."
She looked confused. "So... he doesn't like cereal, so he kills it? Dat's weird."
I win at parenting.


A few minutes ago my phone rang. I knew better than to answer it, because if it's dinnertime, it's my mother-in-law. Every single night. But I answered it.


"When G spends the night, he doesn't ever turn off the DVD player."

"OK." (Does she want him to do other things, not just watch DVDs?)

"He should turn it off because my body hurts."

"Um... okay." (What?)

"He left it on and I don't remember where the power button is and I've hunched over to try to find it so my knees hurt and neck hurts and arms hurt and all over my body hurts."

"Oh. Sorry. I'll tell him to turn it off before he leaves next time."

"Can he or your husband come tell me where it is?"

"They're both at men's Bible Study and won't be back until around 8:30. They can call you then."

"Oh, that'll be too late. E wants to watch a ball game at 8:00."

(E is my brother-in-law who is crazy, too, but mostly just as lazy as a $2 ho who's already got $10 in her bra. He also makes a sadistic game out of seeing how much he can get other people to do for him.)

So I ask, "Why don't you just tell E to find the button? His vision is fine."

"Oh, E doesn't do anything. He expects me to do everything for him all the time. So I guess I'll have to kneel back down and find it myself. You know if I kneel I can't get back up, right? <long sigh>"

"Yep; some days I can't walk, my knees hurt so bad. I guess if E wants to watch the game, he'll have to help find the power button."

"Well, you don't think your husband could leave Bible study early and come do it for me?"

(Church is 20 minutes due north. Her house is 30 minutes due east.)

"No, I don't think so. He's got to come home so G can go to bed on time - it's a school night, and he's got to get up for work at 5am. But I'll tell him to call when he gets home."

She hung up on me.

And she called back while I was typing this, but I didn't answer. I'm making dinner. Really, I am. Shut up. There's an egg boiling for the chef salad.

Knowing E, he was snickering through the whole conversation, knowing that he can manipulate his mother like that. Some days, I'm just proud of myself for not punching him at family events. Those two are the definition of co-dependant & enabler.


I'm going to go laugh at my funny children some more so I don't dwell. I'm so glad I have y'all to vent to.

Have fun, y'all!  :)

Sunday, March 17, 2013

How to tell you're startin' to get old

                                                  YOUNG                             OLD

Hot bath means...              relaxing and shaving                 trying to make
                                         before a night out.                  knees not hurt.

Adding bath salts means... touchably smooth,                  epsom salts for
                                        vanilla-scented skin.                those knees.

Tweezing is for...               perfectly sculpted                  random wiry
                                         eyebrows.                             chin hairs that
                                                                                     grow an inch a night.

Lotion will...                      keep your golden                  make you think you won't
                                         tan from fading.                    wrinkle into a prune.

Soft skin is...                     tight and smooth.                  like an over-ripe peach.

Aphrodisiacs include...     strawberries and                    someone else doing the
                                        chocolate.                           dishes and leaving you
                                                                                   the heck alone.

Date night is...                  dinner with a glass                 Home Depot and
                                      of wine and a movie.               Books-A-Million.

Lotion smells like...          coconuts.                               BenGay.

I'm almost 35... and I seem to already be gettin' old. But it's okay. I'll take it over the insecurity of youth any day.  :)

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Hangin' Tough

Yesterday morning, I introduced my children to the glory that is '80's music. They saw a video of  The Freedom Sound doing a spoof-compilation song of lots of different pop songs that all use the same four chords.

But my short people didn't know any of the songs.

YouTube to the rescue!

First, a-ha!'s "Take On Me."
Then MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This."
And then Boy George's "Karma Chamelion."

And so on, until they were so apalled by the comically horrifying fashion designs that they couldn't bear to watch anymore. I swear, they acted like they were being scarred for life.

Maybe they were. Looking at '80's fashion is like looking at a traffic accident. One involving a clown car. You can't look away, you feel confused, you know you shouldn't laugh. But you do.

The kicker was when I said, "That guy's name is Boy George."

To which they replied, "What guy?"

Exactly. "Him. Singing. That's a man."


They walked away, shaking their little heads.

M was not too thrilled when I pointed out that the boys in One Direction dress a lot like the New Kids, with their stupid striped pants. She objected to their hair and earrings, but not their clothes. She just thought it was odd. And she thought Joey was cute & Donnie was scary - just like I did when I was 10.

But what blows my mind is that the retro teens are trying to bring back what was torturous the first go-round. Yesterday afternoon, three teenage girls were walking in the neighborhood, smacking gum and talking so loudly that I could hear them inside my house. Their bangs were so big you ride a surfboard on them. Except for the one with the afro. And big hoop earrings & skinny jeans & big glasses & big baggy shirts? LEG WARMERS for cryin' out loud!!! They looked like Denise & Vanessa Huxtable plus a friend.

Gimme a break!

(Ooh. That was a good '80's show. Useless factoid of the day - Nell Carter was from Birmingham, AL.)

The only thing different was that they had iPods instead of Walkmans. (Or is it Walkmen?)

OH. And GET THIS. New Kids, 98 Degrees, and Boyz II Men are on tour together. Like, now. For real. What?!  And they're probably better now than they ever were, to be honest. Boyz II Men were always incredible, but I bet the other two bands can actually put out some quality harmonies since they're not trying to do dorky boy band dance moves. And I'm ashamed to admit, I might would be willing to go to one of those concerts. I didn't want to when I was in 6th-8th grades, but maybe now I'd enjoy it.

And Donnie's totally hot now.

So, now, I'm going to go play some Bell Biv Devoe.  That girl is poiiisonnnnnn!