Sunday, March 17, 2013

How to tell you're startin' to get old

                                                  YOUNG                             OLD

Hot bath means...              relaxing and shaving                 trying to make
                                         before a night out.                  knees not hurt.

Adding bath salts means... touchably smooth,                  epsom salts for
                                        vanilla-scented skin.                those knees.

Tweezing is for...               perfectly sculpted                  random wiry
                                         eyebrows.                             chin hairs that
                                                                                     grow an inch a night.

Lotion will...                      keep your golden                  make you think you won't
                                         tan from fading.                    wrinkle into a prune.

Soft skin is...                     tight and smooth.                  like an over-ripe peach.

Aphrodisiacs include...     strawberries and                    someone else doing the
                                        chocolate.                           dishes and leaving you
                                                                                   the heck alone.

Date night is...                  dinner with a glass                 Home Depot and
                                      of wine and a movie.               Books-A-Million.

Lotion smells like...          coconuts.                               BenGay.

I'm almost 35... and I seem to already be gettin' old. But it's okay. I'll take it over the insecurity of youth any day.  :)

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