Monday, February 20, 2012

Last Call @ 5pm!

I remember my brother being about 5 years old and peeing in his closet one night. It was the same path to the bathroom, he was just a few steps shy of making it out to the hallway that would take him to the bathroom door, and instead opened the closet door. I can still see Mom cloroxing He-Man and BattleCat.

Now my little guy does the same thing. He sleepwalks, but only when he needs to pee. It's hilarious, because he runs around the house, trying to find that dadgum elusive bathroom, trying to figure out where to pee, and we usually hear him, catch him, and take him to the potty. He gets the whole body shivers when he pees, too. We laugh at him, and he has no idea why.


It started about two months ago, somewhere between 10 & midnight, he was running around crying. He couldn't wake up enough to tell us what was wrong, couldn't calm down enough to pee, and we sat there soothing him and checking his temp and trying to wake him up and find out what hurt. He got hysterical, but finally calmed down enough to figure out that he did, in fact, need to pee.

It happened again the next two nights.

The fourth night, he didn't cry. He ran into his big sister's room and peed on the side of her bed. She has a jack-n-jill bathroom with the big brother, so maybe he thought he'd made it in there. I stripped the dustruffle and comfortor without her ever waking up. She was mortified the next morning when I told her. (Of course, I didn't tell her he just got the bottom edges, where's the fun in that? I said, "Hey M! A came in & peed all over your bed last night while you were sleeping in it!" Because I'm a fun mom like that.)

It has happened almost every night since then, too. I don't give him much to drink with dinner, and nothing after dinner; but obviously, we're going to have to cut off the drinkin' a lot earlier.

I've yanked him up in the kitchen starting to pull his pants down to pee in the garbage. He's tried to get out the front door. He's tried to go in the fireplace. He's tried to go on the side of my bed. He's tried to go in the cook island.

I'm almost always the first one to hear his feet and go catch him and carry him to the bathroom, but my husband usually follows, just to laugh at the poor boy. Who is still very much asleep with eyes wide open.

So tonight, at 8:57 as I'd just settled in for Castle, I thought I heard the pitter-patter of tiny feet. But it was quiet, and there was no fussing. So I paused. It was too early for him to be up already. And that, my friends, was my mistake.

I realized that the footsteps were quiet because he was calmly walking into the kitchen. "Aah," I think, "This is why he's having to go pee. He's going to get a drink after we put him in bed."

I hear the fridge open. Then I realize, "Oh, maybe he's gonna pee in the fridge!"

I run in there, the fridge is wide open, and he's whizzing all over the place.

I shout, "Stop!" and he looks up with those big blue eyes and says, "Why?"

"Because that's the fridge, not the potty!!!"

I hear my husband laughing his butt off.

Little Man just looks back at the fridge like, "Huh. What's that doing in the bathroom?"

I pull out the wee'd-on stuff and begin cleaning the fridge & hubby's Mtn. Dew bottles. Fortunately, that's all that was on the bottom shelf; but I had to clean the back wall, the bottom shelf, the crispers, and the floor of the fridge.

Meanwhile, I must have scared his little weiner sphincter, because he couldn't finish in the potty. So an hour later, I hear frantic running into the kitchen and catch him while he's trying to get his pants down, and we make it to the bathroom in time. He does his big shiver when he finishes, then turns around to hug me. I get his britches pulled up and carry him back to his bed. He lays down easily, because he never even woke up in the first place.

Yeah. Good times.