(It's not like when people post Bible verses, and I feel like I’m going to hurt Jesus’s feelings if I skip them. I end up with a pretty good devo most days… or a guilt trip for skipping ahead to see what captions someone added to a screen shots of Howard from “Big Bang Theory” trying out nerdy pick-up lines.)
A few days ago, someone posted “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy from the late ‘90’s. Remember that one? The idjit gave his girlfriend a key to his house, forgot, then cheated on her. She walked in and caught him in the act, and his defense was that it wasn’t him. It was stuck in my head for days. Now it’s going to be again, but it’s all good, because I’m sick of “tie me to the bedpost!” going through my mind for the 1000th time today.
So, Wednesday night at Bible Study, in our trek through the Gospel according to John, we arrived at the point of Jesus’s arrest. Peter and John follow Jesus and the guards to the high priest’s house, where someone sees Pete lurking in the shadows outside.
“Yo, homie, aren’t you one of Jesus’s disciples?”
Pete says, “Nope.”
Dude’s all, “Yeah, man, I just saw you in the garden a while ago when we arrested him.”
And Peter says, “It wasn’t me.”
Can you guess where my mind went? Peter in his robes looking like John Rhys-Davies in “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” throwing gang signs and rapping like Shaggy. Showtime at the Apollo on location at Annas’s house, y’all!
The pastor looks at me funny like he knows I’ve got something going on in my head. I glance down to hide the smirk so he doesn’t ask me to share with the class. Can you imagine being asked if you had any thoughts on the subject when the scene in your head has spotlights, sequins, and bass woofers? Usually, I’ve got my Greek Bible open in front of me and have something insightful to add. But right then, Peter was in oversized sunglasses, dancing all around the fire the others were warming themselves by, with Mr. T style gold chain necklaces and a sideways baseball cap. If he weren’t in a robe, his pants would be sagging. (It would be appropriate, considering how much he showed his a$$ in that scene, anyway.)
After the resurrection, when Jesus gave Peter the chance to redeem himself, in my version, Jesus asks, “Peter, do you love me?” And Pete replies, “Fo shizzle.”